Gumballs and Rewards

One issue I think every parent has to deal with is how to discipline their children. Whether or not you have a special needs child, you will come to a point where you will have to chose a discipline method. Some parents chose to use time outs, others take away favorite toys/activities, some send a child to their room to "think about" when he has just done, and others use a reward system. We use a combination of the above, but focus mostly on the reward system.

Now let me begin by saying I didn't start out liking the idea of rewarding behavior. I didn't think kids should be rewarded for behaving in a way or doing something that was expected of them. That was before I had kids.

We learned quickly that the time out method didn't work well for Hayden. It didn't seem to phase him at all, and I really think that because of the way his brain works, he couldn't see a connection between sitting on the stairs and the offense he'd just committed. In some cases, it actually made his behavior worse- as he sat on the stairs he'd grow increasingly angry and end up in a raging fit that would last for up to two hours.

After reading an article on the importance of rewarding children for positive behavior I decided to give it a try. I made a chart and would give him a sticker for any positive behavior I saw. Whether it was putting his toys away without being asked or taking his plate to the kitchen after dinner, he got a sticker. Hayden seemed to enjoy the positive reinforcement. I enjoyed it because it was an easy system to use and didn't take much time. The hardest part was staying consistent and really being on top of it and remembering to reward even if we were away from home. I'd send a small sticker chart to my parents' if he were spending the weekend with them.

The only downfall of the reward system is that Hayden tends to tire of a method after an amount of time. We used the sticker system for a while, then moved on to a Behavior Bank. I made a little bank out of an old can and he'd get pennies for each positive behavior. However, he didn't have a concept of money at the time, so that wore off quickly.

Through the years I've had to get real creative. My latest attempt has been to use an old laminated gumball machine poster that I had when I was teaching kindergarten years ago. I hung the poster on the back of our front door so it's visible throughout the day. Then I cut circles out of different colors of construction paper. Any time I catch him doing a positive behavior, I give him a "gumball." I write the behavior on the gumball and he gets to place it on the poster. Some of the things he's earned gumballs for are: helping mommy unload the dishwasher, being good at the grocery store, and giving up a toy he was playing with so Jarrett could play with it. Again, these are all behaviors we expect from him, but I feel so much of my time is spent telling Hayden "Don't' tease your brother! Don't throw balls in the house! No yelling in the house!" that I really do need to focus on the positive things he does. It makes him feel proud and know that his parents are aware of the great things he does. And it also reminds me that he really is a super kiddo. I sometimes get so wrapped up in the extra work he is that I forget to notice the fantastic things about him.

Now onto the reward part! This is the first time we've tried adding a material reward to the system. After he has earned 25 gumballs (which he just did yesterday!!!) he gets to chose a reward. It might be a small toy, or a special overnight trip to Grandma's, a trip to the park, or a train ride at the local zoo. He gets to chose and, within reason, we'll accommodate. Well...as most of you know we had to give up our dog last month due to Jarrett's severe allergies. Hayden wanted another pet and decided on a hermit crab. We took him to the pet store last night and after examining the hermit crabs he decided against it because they, in his own words, "don't move fast." He decided he'd rather get hamster, which works out perfectly because we have a friend who is wanting to get rid of his daughters hamsters. We're planning to pick up the hamsters tonight and Hayden is so happy. He even said, "Good boy, get hamsters."

It's important to note that we don't give the gumballs excessively. He earns about one or two each day. We started this system the first week of June when school got out and it's taken him until now (July 13th) to earn his 25 gumballs. The idea isn't how quickly he earns them, but just that he does progressively earn them.

For now this is working. We'll continue with this as long as he seems to enjoy it. Nevertheless, I'm already thinking of what his next reward system could include and I've got some ideas up my sleeve.